- I quit drinking soda
- I stopped eating sugar
- Quit eating meat or animal by products
- Increased my water intake
- Starting working out and doing yoga every day
Then life hit and the blow of losing my dad rocked my whole world on a level that I was not expecting. I was unable to keep any food down for weeks after he passed and soda was the only thing that helped so I scratched
Long story short the year that followed was full of some of the highest/greatest moments of my life as well as some of the lowest moments.
Greatest
- Finding that I had the most loving support system full of family and friends
- Getting a job at the Y in the field of fitness
- Getting my certification in Yoga at the school I wanted Yoga Works...yaaay
- Finding that I can heal myself with support and eating well
- Having time to spend with my kids
- Watching my oldest get back on stage and act
Lowest
- Losing my dad
- Losing an uncle and three very dear friends
- Staying sick more than not during the months that followed losing my dad
- Losing my job
- Losing myself
So that was the past year in a nut shell. I found myself on a roller coaster of highs and lows all while fighting this sneaky little thing called depression. In trying to be a "strong" person ....I thought that depression was not something I would have to deal with. I managed to keep it at bay by throwing myself into work....then lost my job. I refocused and put all of my energy into yoga training....then that ended. When all my distractions were gone, and it was just me... it hit me hard. Now I have to admit....it was taking its toll waaay before then. I just refused to see it until I was so covered in it that I had no choice. I stopped focusing on my own needs and quit going out unless I had to....or was just having a good moment. At the beginning of this summer May 2011....I started justifying adding crap back to my diet...sugar...white rice and potatoes....including chips....blaaa. *** These things are fine in moderation....just not as food groups.*** I stopped working out as much....and slowly my yoga and meditation practice sunk like the Titanic. That left me..... Tired....doubting and sick.
I started doubting that eating healthy food had been making any difference. I thought I could just start working out again and just eat whatever I wanted. Wrong....eating the way I have been has not been giving my body the energy it needs...and no energy = short workouts or no workouts...
I was still unconvinced that any change needed to happen until a trip to the beach (another blog of its own) and discovering the small layer of fat that was protecting the hell out of my semi well toned ...busted my ass to get them this way abs. That was my WTF moment......my lol......sigh...stamping feet....kicking wall...hissy fit....deep breath.....childs pose....New plan moment.
I could feel how off my body was....but I had to see the effects before I would believe it...dammit.
Now I know that I can't keep hiding in the dark.....can't hide from life....and sure as hell can't give up. I have so much that I want to do and see .....so I have to keep pressing forward and taking care of me. That way I can take care of my family....and friends.....and have a blast living the life that I want.
Soo..here is the short list..... I have started
- Working out
- Daily yoga..
- Revamping my diet
- Letting go of sugar and soda...POUT
- Loving more and letting go of fear and anxiety
I have lost a lot this year. However, I am also starting to see that I have also gained some invaluable wisdom and insight. I know that I am still going to have bad days......but I also know that I have family and friends who love me and have never let me down or allowed me to stand in the dark on my own. I am blessed....
Looking forward to all the upcoming adventures and looking forward to seeing where I am ....and what I have been through this time next year.
Light and Love
