When the nightmares win

I am fighting
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to stay present
Fighting the tears
Fighting the screams
Fighting the pain
Fighting to stay here
Fighting to let go
Fighting shame
Fighting fear
Fighting anger
Wondering how I got here again
Tired
I am so tired
Tired of long nights
Tired of fake smiles
Tired of losing myself in alcohol
Tired of running
Tired of crying
Tired of feeling broken and lost
Tired of feeling weak and alone
Just wanting the pain to stop
This what you did when you preyed upon my trust
This is what happened when you stripped me of my power
This is the reality of my work..
This is unbelievably heart breaking
Soul shattering work
This is 2am
This is raw
This is vulnerability
This is praying to whoever will listen
This is me
Reminding myself to hold on
Reminding myself that I am worth the fight
This is me
Fighting to rise
Rise up out of the ruins
Rise up out of the ash
Rise up out the dust of a world that you burned
This is me saying Fuck you
This is me saying you didn't beat or destroy me
This is me fighting
I am fighting..
~Anita