Fighting Shadows

    I have not written in a long time. I just can't seem to find the focus or inspiration....mostly because I am overwhelmed. I am seeking direction and for the longest time I have felt completely abandoned spiritually. However, now I feel like maybe it is just because I have been afraid. Afraid of more change.....more loss.... more upheaval. The control freak in me thinks that if I can find someway to maintain a "balance" then I can keep things the way that I want them. This mind frame is funny because if I have learned nothing else, I have learned that change is always going to happen. I can't stop it, I can only make it harder on myself to go through. I am trying to figure out what it is that has me so trapped in fear, and I think maybe it is fear of loss. It seems like that has been a primary theme for my life lately, and to be honest, I am tired of it. So I am trying to breath into that fear......let go of my need to control...let go of fear and just let life open up. Easier said than done. I would really like to be open to the change instead of having it blow up in my face. I would really like to step back into myself and do the things that I know I need to do. I would really like to complain less and just do the work that needs done.  I would really like to take back my power and find my voice again. I don't like the more meek, scared version of myself. I hate stumbling through everything because I am afraid of getting it wrong, making a mistake, or hurting someone. I have had many things that have been put in my path to let me know its time to step up....time to wake up.....time to move. I have two very good readings from dear friends that have just further confirmed this. Just need to listen and trust as I ask for my next move. Its time to face the shadows and walk towards the light.