Fighting

She took a moment to step out into the wonderland that mother nature had left behind
An ice storm unlike any other seen
The turmoil that she had been feeling was only heightened by feeling trapped in the house
As she stepped off the asphalt, and into the grass, she was surprised by the way the ground crunched beneath her feet
She was seeking .....quiet....refuge from her feelings..
However, the forest was very loud that night
Each step she took was loud, every crunch of ice bringing up a new doubt or fear
The woods were a combination of Gothic gloom (a beauty in its own right) and a magical crystalline wonderland.
The stars bounced off the ice
Creating a shiny world...sparkly and seemingly full of life...and she paused for a second
Closed her eyes, and tried to just let go
Hoping to soak up the magic of the moment
However that proved impossible
For not only could she not soak up the magic, she was unable see it at all
In that moment she notice something she had never seen before
Walking deeper and deeper into the forest
She began to see how much damage the ice was doing to the trees
Every small breeze or sway of the wind
Caused the trees to creek eerily
Speaking as if they understood her agony
For they themselves were feeling it too

Her heart was so heavy that night...
And she just wanted the moon to strip it from her...
Take away all the pain.....
The moon was there for comfort and strength that night
But this lesson was not hers to teach
"Sweet Goddess" the moon said..."You are fighting the freeze.... fighting to keep away the bitter cold.... fighting to stay open....and tonight is not about fighting my dear."
The Goddess was tired on every level
And while the words the moon spoke rang true, they offered no comfort
The lack of comfort made her angry..
Looking up at the moon she yelled...."Yes I am fighting....if that's wrong...then please take it...take it all....take these negative feelings...Take the pain....I am tired of all of it...I don't want to feel this much hurt.... of course I am fighting....I can't just drown it all of it.. "
The  moon grew quite and slid behind a thin veil of clouds
The Goddess looked up in disbelief
Feeling angrier and abandoned
It was then that the trees groaned... getting her attention
For this was their lesson to teach tonight
Her attention shifted
Seeing her majestic friends bowing beneath the load of ice furthered her anger
She then turned that rage toward the trees....
"It is weighing you down.....all of this ice", she yelled.
"Why don't you fight it, why don't you even try?"
The goddess felt angry tears roll down her face
She ran towards the trees as if to prove a point
Only she slipped, falling to the cold ground
And in a moment of pure fear and anger  punched the icy ground below her
As she pulled her hand back, tears fell abundantly, her hand bleeding, she curled up on the crystal forest floor ...sobbing openly

"Goddess"' the trees whispered in heavy moans
"Just as the sun will heal us.....warm us....melt this ice away...so will love open your heart.
You must find this love within yourself
Sit with all of the emotions that you are fighting.....stop fighting and just let them come up
When you carry that much sorrow .....that much hurt....you have to feel it
Sorrow is heavy on the heart, soul and body, just as ice is to us
Let the burden of them weigh you down for a moment
Own them....let them wash over you.....Feel the ice
If you do this...you will be ready when the heart opens
Don't wallow in it.....or it will topple you
Don't continuously fight it or it will break you
These are emotions to powerful to just ignore or give away
Stay open....let the heart melt it all away in the right time
Just as the seasons flow...so do the lessons of the soul and heart
These moments are great teachers..."
She sat for a while to allow this powerful lesson to sink in and resonate
She reached out and placed her hand on the big tree
Allowing love to flow from her to the trees, and thanking them
All the anger left her, and she felt deflated but hopeful

She picked her tired body up and looked up at the moon...
The radiant moon peaked out from behind the  clouds ....
A single beam shining only on her
Words didn't need to spoken.....
She felt the love....the comfort ....the concern.
She also felt her power growing ....for she finally realized
That yes, this heart ache hurt....but the fear of walking through it was worse..
She was growing....and moving into her birthright
Each lesson bringing her a little closer
"Sweet Goddess", the moon whispered so softly
"You have no idea how much power you hold....but you will.....very soon you will."

It took a while

It took a while for her to look all that trauma, fear and pain 
Took a while for her to see she must feel and own it
It took time to see all the ways she sabotaged her own dreams
Took a while to realize she was killing herself. ..
Slowly. ...painfully. ...meticulously. ....
Took a while to see all the grey she was settling for
All the things she was missing
Took a while to breathe again.....
But once she began to make that turn
Once she began to see the patterns
Once they began to make sense. ..
The whole forest began to celebrate
For they knew ......she was healing
They knew there was no going back
The Goddess was regaining her power....
And everything was about to change