Saturday, December 27, 2014

If I Die Today

If I die today
And my spirit floats gently to the heavens
Up and away
Will you know all the things I never could say
Will you know how my heart loves yours
That even staring into the abyss
It was your light that gave me peace
Will you know how my body yearned for yours
How much I wanted to tell you I love you
But kept those words under lock and key
Will you know the sound of your breathing at night was keeping me alive
For you fought away the nightmares of other things I couldn't speak
When my spirit leaves
Will you know that a piece of it will be with you wherever you go
So sleep my love in peaceful serenity
I am here
For, from you I can never go
We have loved in more lifetimes than you know   
You are my light, my love, my dream
Feel me in the rain, the wind,
Feel me under the sun and moon
You are love
I will be near
Making sure the light shines on you even when all seems dark
Sleep my love until your body can no longer hold your massive spirit
For that is why most of our bodies die
Find me, when your spirit drifts to the heavens
I won't be far

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Darkness and Hope

~Another old post....

Sitting alone under the vast night sky
Staring at the stars that twinkle so high
Wishing for answers to all that she seeks
Desperation and fear begin to creep
She is on the edge of losing it all
Knowing she will be all alone when she falls
Loved by so many
Yet she always feels numb
Wishing and praying for the light to come
The light that will open her eyes and her heart
To let her step out in the sun
Each night spend praying for more control
To the moon she pours out her heart and her soul
Needing to know
Hating to trust
Wishing that she was enough
Haunted by a past that won't go away
Leaves her fighting this war everyday
No one will know of the battle inside
No one will feel the pain that she hides
Looking for someone that she can let in
Praying she won't hurt again
Someone to love her and never let go
Bringing the light to her heart and her soul
Chasing away all the fear and the pain
Letting her dance in the rain
Shes all alone when she closes her eyes 
Dreaming of a bright sun filled sky

Monday, December 1, 2014

My Ramblings for Today....

I have found myself seeking magic over the last few months. Not the wave your wand kind of magic (although I have to admit I would love that kind) but the everyday magic that makes life wonderful. It is finding the wonder and beauty in everything. It is seeing those you love light up when you walk through the door, it is a hug that says everything, a look from a friend that lets you know that they get where your at, it is the laughter of my children, the list goes on and on.
  In looking for that magic, I have found it in all those places  and in places I never thought I would. I have found it in the soft glow of the moon. In the whispers from the trees....in the sound and flow of water. I have found it in the love and friendships that emerged and held me up. In those around me who always seem to believe in me.....and are always reminding me of my power and worth....even when I can't see it myself.  It has also left me more sensitive to areas that I am not seeing it, areas that I thought would be the easiest to find it. Areas where I was trying to force the magic that I wanted to see. Magic is all around me ...you ...all of us. Its not about seeking it....or finding it.....its about opening your eyes and heart to all the amazing love energy and magic around you everyday. That kind of magic builds on itself and grows into something that leaves you breathless. Grateful everyday for the amazing friends and loved ones who reminded of that .....and pulled me back into my moon lit ...glitter filled world of fairies and talking trees.  Namaste...

Friday, November 14, 2014

Walking through fear

~ this is something I wrote after In the Mist of the water....Kinda fits where I am now... I am doing a lot more writing and may be posting older things before I start adding new.....

A treacherous and rocky path brought her here
To scared waters to help her heal
Just for a while
There is more work to be done
She is stronger than she ever thought she could be
For all of her trials and pain sculpted and shaped her
All wounds are healing
Nothing left from her past to hold her back
It is dark as she starts back out
But she no longer fears it
For she is full of light and her connection to the earth is real
Onward she walks expecting more danger to come
Only to find that now,  she can move through the fear of danger
Fear no longer holds her in its grasp
She sees nothing to run or hide from
She walks with more peace than she ever thought possible
Through the darkness of the night she walks
Holding to her connection with the earth
Holding her connection with the goddess within
Moving Forward
Dissolving all fear
The sun begins to rise

She takes a moment to pause and look around
Catching her breath 
She beholds a beauty meant only her eyes
All the wonder and joy without the veil of fear
She sees that fear was just a self made illusion
She sees others still trapped in a darkened veil
Fighting and lashing out at those around
Finally she understands that is was only illusions that held her in place
As the sun gets brighter she finds a willow tree 

And stretches out beneath its magical branches
Giving thanks for her journey
Giving thanks for the lessons that brought her to where she is
With peace and gratitude
She starts on to the next phase of her life
Her next journey
Never fearing the dark
Always looking towards the light

Monday, November 3, 2014

She found herself drawn to the back yard....as she stepped out the trees began to talk excitingly and let go of hundreds of leaves in all different colors. As she walked through the beautiful fan fare.....she felt that familiar tingle that she received when she was doing something that was right for her path. She laid a blanket out in the grass...and stretched out. She closed her eyes and allowed the warmth of the sun to radiate off her skin. The wind was soft but the trees still had so much to say. She allowed herself to be drawn in to their world for she knew she needed to hear what they had to say. Their message was one of release. Allowing yourself to process pain and grief and then let go of them. Let go of the things, people and places that are causing them. "Let go and have faith," the trees whispered.  "You are a goddess fully protected by all that surrounds you.  Please don't lose faith in us....we shall never lose faith in you." In that moment she remembered. It is always necessary to let go of the old things, in order for the new to move in. The sweet goddess realized, that the longer she held on the things that were making her cry....the longer she would put off her future. She didn't know what that future held...but she knew she had to trust. She curled up on her side and closed her eyes. She always needed a little rest after these talks. The wind picked up slightly and the trees sang a lullaby in harmony with the birds that allowed her to drift away and sleep. She knew when she woke, things would be very different, and that was a great place to start on her new journey.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Moon magic

She loved the way the moon caressed and bathed  her bare skin. Leaving her whole body seductively illuminated and glowing.  She felt her power growing as she moved through the moon beams that night, allowing the moon to pour itself into her soul. Her bare feet were in contact with the earth. She could feel the nourishment and love. She could feel it's music that night.  Even alone she could hear the drums....hear the music that came from long ago.....and her hips moved and swayed to their rhythm. She had more power than she had ever believed. The moon was opening her to her path....
She understood the secrets and magic this night. She knew she could never go back to ordinary ways of thinking...
She was goddess, and with that, she could not stay stuck in the mundane. Her purpose  had been decreed long ago. It had been written in the stars. She has a divine path and must move towards her birthright.
The wind picked up slightly as the trees breathed a sigh of relief. How they had longed to talk with her again. Now she could hear them and she knew she was home. She could feel the energy around her in all living things. 
Giving great thanks to the moon and earth she stretched out on the grass, and closed her eyes. Sleep would soon be hers. She could finally relax under the soft rays and fierce protection of the moon. The moon continued to immerse her in love and strength all night. The winds glided over her skin, and the trees and birds sang soft songs. Sleep, sweet goddess sleep, For when you wake there is work to do :)

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Darkness


     She fought the darkness only seeking light. For she feared the shadows and things she could not see. However, it was in the darkness that she found herself, and in the darkness where she finally began to understood not only day but night. 
It was in the darkness that her heart broke open and grew wings. It was where she allowed herself to be vulnerable and no longer feared being hurt. She learned to blossom even when she thought she would never see light again. She found a way to find joy, even when all seemed lost. She found faith when the shadows seemingly swallowed her up. When she allowed the darkness in and quit fighting and fearing it she found balance in her soul. She found strength and courage she didn't know she had. She found she needed equally both the day and the night. She craved the dark sky, the stars and the moon. She craved the clouds and sun. She craved the wind and the rain. She didn't want perfect anymore. Instead, she craved the messy, crazy adventure that is life. She learned to quit existing and to live. But only when she realized that sometimes you can't see the next step. Sometimes when moving forward you can't see or plan for what happens next. Most of the time part of the joy in life is not knowing and bravely stepping into the shadows. 

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

illusions


There are some truths that come at you hard and fast. They suddenly and without remorse break all the illusions you have built around yourself. You find yourself  among all the pieces broken, scratched and bleeding. You take a deep breath and  try to assess the damage. You may even try, in a panic, to frantically gather the pieces and throw them back together. However, the pieces are to small and the damage is to great for an easy or fast fix.  In that moment you mourn the loss of the lies and illusions. It's not that you don't value the truth, it's not that you would want to continue living a lie. It's just that in that moment you know nothing will ever be the same and everything is getting ready to change. You can't keep playing the game. You can't pretend that you don't see, you can't keep blaming yourself, you can't keep thinking it's all in your head. The illusions are gone and the glass is broken. The lights are no longer playing their magical games as they dance between the glass and show you what you want and need to see. Instead you are left with a glaring and painful truth. You are left with the pieces and you have to decide what to do from here. Do you cut yourself over and over trying to repair something that may be impossible to fix? Do you continue to bleed and hang on to hope? Or do you dust yourself off, step through the glass and walk away?

Friday, February 7, 2014

Healing and Breathing

~ Wrote this as kind of an ode to my yoga mat. It has gotten me through so much....and been one of the best forms of therapy out there....... There are days that I just don't know how I would get through without it.....~

Sitting alone 
Lost in a wave of grief to big to hold alone
Holding on to a hope that is long gone
Breathing is all that is left to do
Breathe to hold back the tears
Breathe to hold back the pain and push through
Breathing until a real smile can once again appear
Breathing to hold yourself up
Moving though seemingly thicker air
Breathing and moving
Until all the heavy thoughts begin to flow like wisps in the wind
Breathing and moving 
Learning to accept what is
Taking moments to find balance and breathe
Balance to pull in 
Gaining confidence to weather the storm
Breathing and balancing
Finding a new kind of strength
Breathing and moving 
Pushing past old limits
Breathing and moving 
Gaining a new sense of power
Breathing and moving
Until the body has nothing left to give 
Lying alone 
Breathing and letting go
Releasing all that no longer serves
Breathing and surrendering 
Allowing to pain to come up
Breathing as the tears streak down the face
Breathing...
 Letting the tears wash the pain and fear away
Closing the eyes and feeling a new sense of peace
Breathing and continuing to surrender
Knowing that all will be well
Knowing you were never really alone