Finding your voice

Finding your voice will not be easy

After decades of silence

It will be hard to convey, your wants and needs

It may come out in all the wrong ways

But just keep talking baby

Keep letting your words pour out      

I promise, I PROMISE, you won't drown

Even when it's clumsy, and all over the place

Even when it's awkward, and friends turn away

Even when it hurts, and even when your scared    

Even when it sounds foreign

Like it's not even you                       

Keep speaking your truth love

It will sound fluent soon

Quit settling for things that limit you

Your soul and your spirit need to break free

Don't keep your magic locked inside

Give a voice to your feelings, thoughts

 hopes, dreams, wants, and needs

Keep them wild

Set them free

Find your voice love

Please find it soon

There is a world out there 

Just waiting for you    

Written myself empty

I have written myself empty

Laid my soul bare

Searching for something

Yet nothing is there

Breath becomes shallow

No end in sight

This is what happens 

When you let down your guard

What happens when you stop the fight        

I hear voices 

So loud in my head

Repeating my faults over and over

You knew better they said

Never let your guard down

Never lay yourself bare

For when you let someone in 

When they see the real you 

You can't expect

Anyone to be there     

I am a warrior

There is no relief in sight

I will fight this war

Until I lose my light

I will lay my life down         

                My breath will be gone                     

No more searching

No more fighting

No more hiding

My battle will be done

"She's Imperfect, but she tries"

~This has become my song....my way of healing. I think part of the issue in dealing with PTSD, is that I really wanted the part of me that died back. The girl who saw the world through rose colored eyes. I wasn't accepting, that I now view the world with less trust. Less trust, but honestly, I am still very trusting. I am just not as naive. I have also grown in so many ways. I am stronger than I thought I could be. Yes, I got stuck. Yes, I kinda still am on some levels. But I am working on it every day. So while this may not be where I saw my life.....it is where I am. My core qualities never went away....and honestly, my life is beautiful. I am dreamer and I have so many things that are moving forward.  I am back at my yoga... and I am speaking my mind. I am finding my voice again. That part sucks sometimes, because its hard to put myself first. Its harder when you just want to keep those you love in your life, but your needs, your voice pushes them away. Guilt is still there, but in more reasonable doses. I am really growing....and I feel like this next year is going to be mind blowing. Less waiting and more doing. This is part of the song I fell in love with, because it is very me.