Maybe One Day

Maybe one day
I will love myself
Love myself enough
To demand more
Love myself enough
To not settle
On tattered illusions of love
Hold myself to a higher standard
Only give my heart to those
Whom I trust not to break it
Maybe one day...
But until then
I will love you with the shattered pieces
Cut myself on every betrayal
Live with the pain of open wounds

Suffer from the infections

Caused by the wounds
Mark my body with scars
Scars that you will one day
Look at with disdain
Love you more than myself
For the world has taught me to accept
Taught me I have no right
No right to ask for more
Yet here I stand
Wishing for more
Wishing for real
Wishing to be braver
Wishing to be stronger
Wishing I could shut my heart off
Turn it cold at the sound of your voice
Turn it off when you are wrapped
Tightly around my body
Not feel your kisses
Not feel the butterflies when you smile at me
Forget the calm your touch brings
Maybe one day
But tonight
Tonight I surround myself in darkness
You my only source of light
And I will find ecstasy in my suffering
So...yes...maybe
Maybe one day
Just not tonight